Growing Up

It’s shocking that I will be 22 in less than a month. I still think of myself as 18 years old, and almost feel like I am stuck in this “in-between” stage. I don’t have a career, I’m still living off my parents and I live my life according to my  many few extracurricular activities. Sometimes, I think I want a break, and then other times I get sad thinking about how everything is going to change next year and I’m going to have too much time on my hands. I have a constant love-hate relationship with my current responsibilities.

I coach, I cheer, I go to class (most days) and I intern at a wonderful organization. Oh, and I find time to work out regardless of my busy schedule (even though I’m currently in a work-out rut, but that’s for another post). I find myself longing to be a student with no other responsibilities, but I would be lost without cheering or coaching.

I have cheered since I was 7 years old. Never have I took a year off to do other things or given myself a break. Hell, some years I even cheered for multiple teams. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a regular student attending games (or not attending games) but I don’t think I would even know how to react in a situation like that- it’s weird to think about. I seriously can’t believe in a few short months I will no longer be a cheerleader- and for so many years I have let that define me (whether that be good or bad). What will I do after my schedule lightens up for good? No 7 a.m. lifting times, no basketball games 5 days a week, no practices or team bonding. More importantly, who will I be without the sport? It’s scary to think about. My main hobby, my love, my passion will just all of a sudden end. It’s a hard concept to grasp. The only way I can describe it is it feels like you know a break-up is coming and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You know when it’s going to happen and there will never be any type of closure.

Aside from cheering, I love coaching. No matter what team I coach, I find myself really connecting with most of the girls. In the past 5 or so years of coaching, I have learned so much about myself and about life. Many may not believe, but I have become more lenient and easy-going (very shocking for those who had me when I was coaching in high school). I’ve come to realize that not all my teams are the same, and I have to adapt my coaching style to the personality of the team. That is definitely something I learned the hard way. Some girls need a more nurturing style, while some need to be pushed. It’s a hard balance to find, but it’s becoming easier as I get older. One thing that doesn’t get easier is leaving the team and the girls.

Coaching is also one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. Watching your “old” girls grow and succeed at the sport and in life is so great; especially when they tell you how you’ve helped them get there. We all have someone that has pushed us along and encouraged us to be our best and give it all or nothing, and it’s nice to know that I have made some kind of difference in this big world, whether it be big or small.

What’s life going to be like when I have to graduate and give it all up- everything that’s shaped me and held me together for 15 years-? I never thought I would be done cheering (as lame as that sounds) and now that the end is in sight, it kind of scares me a lot.